apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
