I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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