I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
