I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
