shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
