He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
