God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
