ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
