summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
