i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
