i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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