put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
wow bdsm is so cute
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
