but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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