Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
