You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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