Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
