Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do vagina's smell?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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