Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
