you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
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I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
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We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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