What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
