is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
