omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
