the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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