you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
