My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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