im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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