i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
