So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
