first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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