last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
