He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
