gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
