jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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