My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
