she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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