I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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