I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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