dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
