please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
