My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
