he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
