Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
