Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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