Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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