like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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