We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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