I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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