There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
