so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
