Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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