New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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