yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
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I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
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remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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