I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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