so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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