i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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