Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
