dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
