you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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