I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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